He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
