I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
