I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
