My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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