Plan B is the new Plan A
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
