Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
