Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You made out with two different species that night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
