this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
