I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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