I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My balls are so social today.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
