Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
