I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
