Apparently you make a good broom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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