I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
