Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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