just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
