he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
