He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
