is your mom at the bar?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
