Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
