Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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