I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
