I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
