Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
