Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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