Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
