I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
