i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry about my life...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
