when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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