The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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