I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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