I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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