i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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