Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
