I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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