How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
