nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
