Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
