He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
