I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
