I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
