Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
