you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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