ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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