he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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