He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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