Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
