Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We left the knife in your bed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
