Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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