THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
