Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
even my farts smell like vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
