Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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