I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
