After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
