you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
