I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
