I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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