You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
