I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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