What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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