1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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