I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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