Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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